Greetings people on this fine early Saturday morning. I have decided to share with you what it is like being me. I am not going to lie and say it it easy living with Aspergers, it is not easy. Having some special interests is cool but I lack the social skills to find people who share my interests.
Life has improved slightly as I now have some friends who I can chat to online, or meet up with in town, but I lack to know how to find and make more good friends. Nobody is perfect and my imperfection is my weak social skills. The few friends I do have do understand my difficulties and accept me for who I am. However, there are many who will see me as too abnormal to be associated with, which is th fear that drives my social anxiety. I have a fear of being judged all the time, plus I fear being a victim of bullying again.
My biggest issue in recent years has been self hate; the feeling that I am worthless. I know that it is not true but my past experiences of being tormented and bullied have implanted negative thoughts about myself in my mind. I try to keep telling myself that it is fine to be me. I love to read books, I love watching Doctor Who, I am super excited about the new Hobbit movie and I like learning new facts.
I spend a lot of my time alone not by choice but because I need to recharge. When out and about I try to keep my head up and walk with confidence, the next step will be to start smiling out strangers. I do try and stay positive and not to feel down too often. Sorry if I am rambling.It is very difficult to explain what it is like inside my head.
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